Someone a lot smarter than me said this:

"Educate and inform the whole mass of the people... They are the only sure reliance for the preservation of our liberty." - Thomas Jefferson

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Travel For FREE! (One-Way)

Apparently all you have to do to travel to ANY destination in the world is be homeless in New York City. Since 2007 NYC has paid to send over 550 families to any destination in the world as long as they have family or friends that are willing to take them in once they get there. NY officials say it's cheaper to ship them out than it is to house them in the city's shelters. To house a family in a shelter for a year is $36,000. A one-way ticket to Paris, France is $6500.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/29/nyregion/29oneway.html?_r=1&ref=todayspaper

What I would like to know is this: If I move to New York and don't have a place to stay can I get them to send me to Tahiti or Bermuda? Somewhere in the Caribbean would be fine. I'm sure I can find a "relative" there that would agree to let me sleep on their couch until I get my secluded beach-side hut built. Maybe I'll even open up a rum bar and serve over-priced drinks with little umbrellas in them to all the tourists. Maybe I'll even learn to play the guitar and become the next Jimmy Buffet. I've even got a name for the place, "Skeeter's Surf Shack".

Of course since this generous offer only applies to families I'll need to find a Mrs. Skeeter before I head off. If you meet the following criteria please send your application with a photo to this web-site: Applicants must be female between the ages of 21 and 24, never married, no children, super-model beautiful, and have the career goal of hanging out in a surf-side lounge all day serving drinks to tourists that have more money than good sense.

Well, since I've got all the details worked out I better get started packing. With a little luck my next blog entry will be made from my lap-top while I'm laying out on the beach with my new bride, Buffy.

Friday, July 17, 2009

That Explains It.

Well my friends I was as shocked as all of you were when Tiger The Great missed the cut at the British Open. As Supreme High Chancellor of all things sport I was in attendance at Turnberry to watch the first couple of rounds of this golfing major and I couldn't believe the monumental meltdown I was witnessing.

When round two finally concluded and it was official that Tiger had missed the cut I was on my way to order the R&A officials to adjust the cut line so that the greatest golfer ever could continue playing. As I was approaching their offices I happened to run into Tiger and I had to ask him, "What happened?" Tiger proceeded to tell me that he had intentionally missed the cut in order to give fellow golfing great, Tom Watson, a chance at winning one last major. If you remember Tom started out having a pretty rough day on the front nine and by the time he was making the turn it was looking like if he continued playing that way he would miss the cut. Tiger had began his round and was holding back around E or +1 waiting to see if Tom would get his game back together. And sure enough Tom started turning things around on the back nine and had a fine second round.

So as Tiger explained it to me he decided the best way to give Tom the stage all to himself this weekend was for him to miss the cut. Tiger asked me not to tell this to anyone but I thought that such a sporting gesture on his part warranted letting people know. I dare say you'd never find another professional athlete that would intentionally DQ himself in order to give an aging colleague one final chance at victory before the competitive flame is completely extinguished.

So kudos to Tiger for making such a selfless sacrifice in order to give Tom Watson sole posession of the spotlight this weekend. Good luck Tom. Don't let Tiger's sacrifice be in vain.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Say It Ain't So, Romo!

As a general rule the amount of concern I have regarding celebrity break-ups can be measured in micro give-a-damns. But when one of the celebrities involved is the starting QB of my favorite pro team the meter actually registers enough for me to form an opinion or two on the subject.

According to the journalistic authority known as 'Us' magazine the celebrity duo of Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson have called it quits. It appears they broke up on the eve of Jessica's 29th birthday party which was to have a "Barbie & Ken" theme. Hmm...I wonder if that could have had anything to do with it? Tony is 30 years old and his 29 year old girlfriend was having a "Barbie" themed party. Don't girls usually grow out of that sort of thing around the age of ten or eleven? I realize that a celebrity like Jessica doesn't live in the same reality as the rest of us but couldn't she have come up with a better idea than that for an adult birthday party? I would imagine that the morning of the party Tony Romo woke up and looked in the mirror and said to himself, "I just can't go through with dressing up like a Ken doll and having that picture in the tabloids and then reporting to NFL training camp."

Romo is a college graduate and from everything I read about him he's very intelligent. Jessica seems to be a genuinely sweet girl and she's drop-dead gorgeous but, God bless her, she doesn't appear to be the brightest penny in the jar. According to "sources" this break-up was a long time coming. Apparently the couple went from one argument to another without a break in between. And the source also said, "With Jessica it's always something." And that right there was probably the crux of the problem. I'd be willing to bet Jessica is VERY high maintenance. She probably had to be attached to him at all times. And when they weren't together she was probably sending him text messages that read, "Miss you. Miss me?" And he probably had to explain to her on more than one occasion why he couldn't talk to her during a game.

So I guess there is some truth to the old saying, "No matter how pretty she is some one, some where is tired of putting up with her crap." I just hope that now with one less distraction on his mind Tony can concentrate on football a little more. At times during his career here in Dallas he's seemed more interested in the fame associated with being the Cowboys QB than actually being the Cowboys QB. If you're going to be a success at this level and take your team all the way to the Super Bowl you've got to have a one track mind and the only item on that track has to be football. Now if he would just assign a little less importance to trying to qualify for the Byron Nelson or the US Open he probably could take the Cowboys to the next level. Or at least win a playoff game. There will be plenty of time for Tony to play golf when he retires. Right now the one and only thing that matters is winning football games.

Monday, July 6, 2009

All Hail Tiger The Great.

I really enjoy the game of golf. Watching it as well as playing it. The problem with playing it is I really suck at it. That's why I'm so fascinated by how effortless the pros make it look. One pro in particular, Eldrick "Tiger" Woods.

I can testify first hand as to how hard it is to hit that little white ball with a long stick and make said ball go where you want it to go. It is probably the most difficult activity I've ever participated in. And it's so frustrating when that little white ball doesn't cooperate that it would even challenge the patience of a saint. So for Tiger to be able to do this as good as he does it and as consistently as he does it I'm ready to proclaim him the greatest golfer of all time at the ripe old age of 33. I've compiled a few stats to back up my proclamation even though I am the reigning Sports Czar and I don't have to explain my decrees to any mortal being.

CAREER PGA TOUR WINS
1. Sam Snead (82) 2. Jack Nicklaus (73) 3. Tiger Woods (68) 4. Ben Hogan (64) 5. Arnold Palmer (62) 6. Byron Nelson (52) 7. Billy Casper (51) 8. Walter Hagen (44) 9. Cary Middlecoff (40) 10. Gene Sarazen (39)
As I'm sure you will notice Tiger is the only player in the top ten that is still playing. The next closest active player is Phil Mickelson with 36 wins. And keep in mind Tiger is only 33 years old and has only been playing professionally since 1996! While Phil is already 39 and turned pro in 1992.

CAREER PROFESSIONAL MAJOR WINS
1. Jack Nicklaus (18) 2. Tiger Woods (14) 3. Walter Hagen (11) T4. Ben Hogan (9) T4. Gary Player (9) 6. Tom Watson (8) Five others tied with seven majors each.
This is probably the most important stat when figuring a golfer's greatness. Again, Tiger is the only active player with more than three major victories. All 14 of Tiger's wins came before the age of 33. Jack won his last major in 1986 at the age of 46.

YEARLY MONEY LEADERS
Between 1996 & 2008 Tiger has been the leading money winner eight out of thirteen seasons! Vijay Singh three times, David Duval & Tom Lehman once each. And just recently I read where Tiger's career earnings (wins, endorsements, etc) are about to top the $1 Billion mark. That's a 1 followed by nine zeroes! Maybe President Obama should hit Tiger up for some bail-out money.

These are just some of the most glaring stats I've pointed out. Tiger is the leader (or close to it) in several other PGA Tour statistical categories. But to me it's the over whelming domination of his peers in these three categories that has prompted me, Czar Skeeter I - Imperial Grand Commissioner of All Things Sport, to hereby proclaim Eldrick "Tiger" Woods the greatest golfer in the history of the world.