OK, if you happen to be reading this and you're a Scientologist prepare to be pissed off.
Recently, while watching the History Channel, I saw a very interesting commercial telling me that I could be happy. That my life could be so much more. That I could know the "Truth". Well, for a millisecond I actually thought the "Truth" being referred to was the word of God as given to us by our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ...boy was I mistaken. This "Truth" was the word of L. Ron Hubbard as given to us by L. Ron Hubbard who wasn't anything but a failed naval officer, an alcoholic and a mediocre science fiction writer.
I'm by no means an expert, but like any good blogger I turned to the greatness of Wikipedia to do a little research. Most of what I already knew about Scientology I learned from a very funny episode of "South Park" that pissed off Scientologists so much they threatened legal action of every form and fashion. The reason it pissed them off so much I've learned is because it was TRUE! These people are absolutely, certifiably NUTS!! The following is a very small fraction of what these lunatics actually believe.
Xenu was, according to science fiction writer L. Ron Hubbard, the dictator of the "Galactic Confederacy" who, 75 million years ago, brought billions of his people to Earth in DC 8-like spacecraft, stacked them around volcanoes and killed them using hydrogen bombs. Scientology holds that the essences of these many people (Thetans) remained, and that they form around people in modern times, causing them spiritual harm.
The Xenu story is part of the Church of Scientology's secret "Advanced Technology", normally only revealed to members who have already contributed large amounts of money. The Church avoids mention of Xenu in public statements and has gone to considerable effort to maintain the story's confidentiality, including legal action on the grounds of both copyright and trade secrecy. Despite this, much material on Xenu has leaked to the public via court documents, copies of Hubbard's notes, and the Internet.
To me this sounds like the script for a really bad 1950's sci-fi movie. I mean it was conceived by a science fiction writer, right? Let me boil this down to a simple fact: If you are a follower of this nonsense you are following the teachings of a person that wrote science fiction stories! Hubbard was a writer! This crap sprang forth from his imagination! The problem isn't the science fiction story. I love sci-fi. I'm a sci-fi geek. The problem is the guy that imagined it was so mentally unstable that he started believing it! Then he actually got other idiots to believe it! And what about this little nugget: In 1967, Hubbard resigned as executive director of the Church and appointed himself "Commodore" of a small fleet of Scientologist-crewed ships that spent the next eight years cruising the Mediterranean Sea. During this time, Hubbard formed the religious order known as the "Sea Organization" or "Sea Org" with titles and uniforms. He was attended by "Commodore's Messengers"; teenage girls who performed various tasks for him, such as fixing his shower, dressing him, and catching the ash from his cigarettes.
I could go on for days about the other things this lunatic did and believed but back to the TV commercial. If these dorks are advertising again that means their membership is down and they're not raking in the cash like they were. And Tom Cruise and John Travolta can't fund this cult by themselves. Now we have a whole new generation of mental midgets exposed to this nonsense. So here's what I'm proposing: If you're approached by someone wanting to tell you about the life changing miracle of "Dianetics" (or whatever garbage they're selling now) simply smile, say no thanks and then with all the strength you can possibly muster SLAP THE STUPID OUT THEM! And If I turn up missing in the next few days check the trunk of Tom Cruise's car.
You crack me up. You are a great writer, keep it up, I look forward to your blogs. Write a book, teach me how to write a book.
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